Cordero died in July 2020 after suffering severe complications from COVID-19. While Kloots stayed by his side as he fought the virus, and still gives public updates on their son and how she has been handling her grief, she shares now that she has regrets about their life together.
In an interview with The New York Times published Thursday about her upcoming memoir, Live Your Life: My Story of Loving and Losing Nick Cordero, Kloots admitted: “I was not a good wife.”
Ashley Becker Nick Cordero, Amanda Kloots and their son Elvis
Kloots explained that she was not supportive of her husband’s desire to focus on his music career over acting and move the family to Los Angeles. The duo tied the knot in 2017, and welcomed son Elvis Eduardo in June 2019. Kloots was teaching fitness classes in New York, but Cordero thought his career could blossom in Los Angeles, the Times reported.
“I was not understanding any of it,” Kloots said of Cordero’s focus on songwriting. “I was like, ‘This is a waste of time, and we have no money.’ He did not feel supported by me. I wasn’t supportive.”
Kloots told the Times that she and Cordero fought about the move for a year before compromising. “I finally came to a place of, ‘This is marriage, you have to compromise.'”
Bruce Glikas/FilmMagic Nick Cordero and Amanda Kloots
The couple stayed in Cordero’s best friend Zach Braff‘s guest house when they moved in 2019 – and then the pandemic hit, and the Broadway star contracted COVID-19.
Throughout the fight for his life, Kloots took to Instagram and began sharing Cordero’s music in hopes to rally support behind him. She became an viral star in the process, and Cordero a face in many ways of the horrors coronavirus could bring.
Kloots said that she “learned to appreciate his music too late,” and still feels regretful about her marriage to Cordero. “But I’m determined to keep his voice alive,” she told the Times.
Since Cordero’s death, Kloots has gone on to become a host on The Talk.
Never miss a story – sign up for PEOPLE‘s free daily newsletter to stay up-to-date on the best of what PEOPLE has to offer, from juicy celebrity news to compelling human interest stories.
Back on March 30 – the day last year she drove Cordero to the emergency room and he was diagnosed with COVID-19 – Kloots shared a video she had taken after dropping her husband off at Los Angeles’ Cedars-Sinai Medical Center.
“With Covid restrictions in place, we didn’t know which entrance was even open, so I left him on the corner. We didn’t hug. We didn’t kiss goodbye. We couldn’t. It was clear he was sick with something and we couldn’t take any risks,” she wrote in the caption.
“I don’t even know if he said bye to Elvis or if we said, ‘I love you.’ I told him I’d stay nearby and to call me when he’s done,” she continued, adding that she thought he would only be at the hospital for “a couple hours.”
“That was the last day I saw Nick as Nick,” she wrote in the caption. “My heart breaks today. I wish I could go back in time, run to him as he was walking away, grab him, kiss him and hold him in my arms. On April 1, he went on the ventilator and I never spoke to him again.”
As information about the coronavirus pandemic rapidly changes, PEOPLE is committed to providing the most recent data in our coverage. Some of the information in this story may have changed after publication. For the latest on COVID-19, readers are encouraged to use online resources from the CDC, WHO and local public health departments. PEOPLE has partnered with GoFundMe to raise money for the COVID-19 Relief Fund, a GoFundMe.org fundraiser to support everything from frontline responders to families in need, as well as organizations helping communities. For more information or to donate, click here.