Ari is back to his snakey ways as Mel almost pulls off an incredible blind side – only to be dumped from the house with an avalanche of votes.
Elsewhere, in an iconic moment in Australian television, Katie spits croissant all over Danny while slightly tipsy in her PJs.
We start with Danny returning from the attic after a negative COVID test to hear the news that his best bud Nick’s been given the flick.
He breaks down in tears and howls that he has no friends in the house while SJ tries to comfort him.
“I’m your friend,” she says softly, to which Danny snaps: “Yeah but Nick was the only one I trusted.” That’s probably not the best way out of your predicament pal, but you do you.
Danny’s furious with Mel for voting against her own alliance, and vows to “take the whole mountain down” by pretending to be friendly to power players Katie and Jess.
He offers a few confused analogies about his tactic, telling Big Brother he’s “deep undercover in the belly of the beast”.
“I’ve gotta act like a servant,” he says elsewhere.
“I’ve become like those chimpanzees you see at the circus. They wear the little waiter’s thing? I’ve become that person, but I’m still the general, but they don’t know that.”
Ari is quick to clue-in to Danny’s trojan horse attempt, heading straight to the diary room to slam the bozos in the house for falling for it.
“Everyone in this house is just beyond stupid,” he says with one of his signature eye rolls.
Sure enough, despite aggressively butting heads from day one, Katie falls right into Danny’s trap.
What has four wheels and is haunted by the ghosts of year 12 formals?
A red button push by Danny brings a stretch limo filled with a spread of stale croissants, Ferrero Rochers left over from Easter and warm bottles of Passion Pop.
Danny invites Marley, Katie, Jess and Tilly to join him in the stationary vehicle that looks as though it smells like Lynx Africa and talks with his mouth full of pastry about his next move.
“If I win the next challenge, who do I put up?” he says munching on his croissant and topping up Katie’s glass. Everyone knows a glass of bubbles first thing in the morning (or as my mum likes to call it on holidays, “coffee”) is a sure-fire way to get hammered before noon.
While I’m definitely not suggesting Channel 7 would get the contestants drunk, Katie is the most noticeably tipsy.
“I genuinely don’t want you out. I think you still add value to the game,” she says at a slightly higher volume than usual.
“We might become lovers,” says Danny with a nauseating grin.
Katie responds in the only appropriate way – by laughing in his face and inadvertently spitting bits of croissant all over him.
They stumble out of the limo and back to the house.
While Katie sleeps off her morning buzz, Big Brother distracts the viewers with a frankly insane task inside a secret “panic room”.
SJ and Tilly are sent through a mysterious green door that opens to the den of a madman. Just looking at it is causing my brain to atrophy.
They’re told to add up every number on every wall, somehow managing to escape after FIVE HOURS without going completely insane.
After failing at the maths task, Big Brother announces that all the housemates are to be chained together for the rest of the day like one long human centipede. Most of them actually enjoy being tethered together so it’s pretty boring and not what we’re here for.
A new day brings a new challenge. It’s an obstacle course that involves tunnelling your way under a steel beam through sand.
Danny wins the advantage of being able to come in during the fourth round with fresh legs when the remaining racers are exhausted, but he’s no match for surprise beast Ari, powered by his disdain for the other members of the house.
He wins the race and sledges his housemates again.
“I can’t wait to vote all these idiots out,” he tells Big Brother.
“I’m not a superhero, I’m a supervillain. I mean, the villains just have way more fun,” he adds.
He nominates Danny (“simply because I do not like him”), Melissa (“If I get to the end with the struggling farmer from the bush I will not survive”), and Marley, who is his safe vote.
But the game is very nearly flipped on its head with a powerful pitch from Mel, who suggests the floaters turn on the strongest alliance – Jess, Marley and Katie – by blindsiding Marley.
It’s a genius move, and the floaters scurry around tossing up their options. Unbeknown to Marley, it’s really anyone’s game at this point.
They pile into the eviction zone and Sonia arrives to do what she does best, hinting there’s a blind side brewing and causing them all to wildly look around at each other, beads of sweat forming on their foreheads.
We brace ourselves for a gag-worthy moment.
… But everyone chickens out.
Melissa’s booted with nine votes, leaving Marley untouched and Danny safe for another day.
*Insert exaggerated Ari eye roll.*
Originally published as Ultimate blind side fails in huge upset