A Big Brother contestant is booted for legitimately thinking beer is an ingredient in beer nuts, while Danny continues to exploit his fellow housemates for being stupid enough to trust him.
There’s a lot of talk about bums this episode. Bums in people’s faces, to be precise.
It’s like 2001 all over again (rumour has it, if you say “Sara-Marie” three times she shows up in your living room in bunny ears).
Still, I’d rather have a random reality TV contestant bum in my face than endure a conversation with Danny talking with his mouth full.
I know I talk about it a lot, but honestly:
The mood is sombre in the house after Mary’s departure, with Marley left shattered by the self-described “mob mum” leaving without giving him a hug.
He starts to weep in the diary room, and despite having very little emotional connection to anyone on this show (apart from Ari) I’m suddenly furious with Mary.
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With emotions already running high in the house, Big Brother decides to send the spiteful undertones bubbling over by forcing Tilly to cook a gourmet breakfast for SJ and Danny.
Enraged by the cruel task for Tilly, even more so by the fact that they get to have avocado and feta, Ari stomps around calling SJ and Danny motherf***rs while turning his nose up at his bowl of oats. It’s a real wholesome weekend morning vibe.
Meanwhile, SJ is busy flashing Danny through holes in the back of her pyjama bottoms.
She apologises “if there’s a bit of bum cheek sticking out”, a sentence you could only get away with in SJ’s soft British accent.
Delivering their breakfast order, petty queen Tilly gets their request slightly wrong by not cooking their tomatoes, the kind of simple yet elegant passive aggression that makes her one of the most underrated players on this show.
The fact that she hasn’t washed her socks for good luck doesn’t even change my level of respect for her.
The housemates are then set the day’s torture task: to sit and stew in Tilly’s sock smell for five hours while crammed in a tiny car (I would tell you the make of the car here but I don’t know any car species ¯_(ツ)_/¯).
To make things all the more painful, the car begins to slowly rock and they’re asked to swap places at various intervals, sending flying limbs and buttcheeks into each other’s faces.
They make it out alive, and Ari brands himself “a warrior” for avoiding pink eye.
Back in the house, Charlotte and Ari find themselves deep in stimulating conversation, dissecting the mysteries of the world and analysing their own very being.
“What country to Danish people come from?” Charlotte asks, before sharing her passion for designer labels and shopping.
We haven’t heard Charlotte speak much in previous episodes, and some producer is really throwing her under the bus tonight.
“Do beer nuts have beer in them?” she later asks.
It’s a pretty silly name for a nut to be fair.
Moving on from Charlotte’s nut analysis, we learn SJ and Danny’s reign as head of house is coming to an end after tonight’s eviction.
They don’t have to partake in the nomination challenge, but they ARE given the power to put one person up for elimination. Does it make sense? No. Does anything in this show make sense? Also no.
It’s challenge time and today’s palaver involves sand, buckets and running. Tilly wins, and nominates Adriana and Christina citing Danny’s promise to “get rid of one of his own” to even out the alliances.
Tossing aside their deal with Tilly, SJ and Danny throw Charlotte into the mix. While they don’t list it as a reason why, I’m pretty sure it’s to do with the beer nuts saga and/or her not knowing Danish people come from Denmark.
Christina bursts into tears for some reason, and after a good solid wallow, heads into the eviction zone with that dewy, post-cry glow.
Sonia arrives in her best look this season, serving Barbie: Les Mills Pump Class edition, and the fun begins.
The housemates give their last minute pleas, and it becomes clear Charlotte has no idea she’s getting the boot, feeling secure in her new-found friendship with fellow label-lover Ari.
The misguided faith in Ari and Danny staying true to their word is cute.
“I feel like I’m probably the least person that’s keeping their cards close to home,” Charlotte tells the other housemates in a swing and a miss of a pitch.
She’s evicted, stopping by the kitchen for one last handful of beer nuts in the hopes of getting a buzz for the car ride home.
Originally published as Big Brother star booted in snakey move