Alliances have been torn apart in the dwindling Big Brother house, and a game-changing advantage is doled out to an unlikely contestant as the finish line looms.
Elsewhere, anyone who thought double denim had made a comeback (me) is ruthlessly put in their place, and Ari gifts us with another pearl of wisdom.
Other than a lot of tedious strategy chat and crying, not a lot else happens.
In fact, tonight’s episode was so boring I spite-ate two ‘Fibre One 90’ brownies. You know those weird diet bars you see at the supermarket in packaging that looks like it was created on Microsoft Word?
I bought them, and now I’m afraid of what might happen to my body.
Anyway, we begin with a chirpy glimpse at Sid and Marley’s burgeoning bromance, which must mean one of them is about to stab the other in the back, because there is no such thing as a genuine friendship in this hellscape.
Elsewhere, Danny is crying tears of pride about being in the top eight, Tilly is making everybody pancakes and Ari is called to the diary room for a secret mission.
He’s given specific topics to talk to each housemate about, from Imperial Russia, to fine art, to basketball.
Naturally, he spends all afternoon making up random facts and convincing these bozos to believe them.
(Side note: there actually is a Princess Olga Romanov on Instagram.)
He goes on to viciously shame those of us who dabble in the world of double denim when tasked to convince Adriana the trend has made a comeback.
I honestly thought it had made a brief resurgence. Am I the only one?
As a proud millennial, I have to say I’m sick of Gen Z telling us we’re uncool. First they cancelled skinny jeans, then they cancelled side parts, now this?
Why won’t they just LET US LIVE.
Big Brother eventually flips the secret mission, roping Tilly in to finish the job by avoiding Ari’s conversation advances, making him think he’d failed.
Like most challenges in this game, it’s unnecessarily convoluted. Ari fails, which means Tilly succeeds, and the whole house is given phone calls home.
They all cry and it’s very touching and thus, boring.
Amid it all, Sid starts to emerge as a secret house snake.
He tries to scheme with Christina about taking down his bestie Marley, but Christina, who has unwavering loyalty to Danny for some reason (she’s probably never been around him while he’s eating), promptly tells Danny, who passes the gossip onto Marley. Bromance over.
A nomination challenge is called where the housemates learn tonight’s eviction will hold a game changing twist. Because Channel 7 are insistent on dragging this season out for as long as possible, no one will be leaving.
Instead, someone will win an advantage.
I tune out and absent-mindedly unwrap my second ‘Fibre One 90’ brownie bar.
Danny wins (eugh) and discovers he will be able to nominate two housemates to be placed in the running for the ‘BB Eye’. It looks like year 7 science project with some experimental dry ice effects, and gives its owner the power to divert votes from themselves to someone else during eviction.
He puts up Marley and SJ, and the house is sent into a frenzy.
SJ immediately bursts into tears when she finds out the magic eye doesn’t involve psychedelics, and gives a passionate speech about how she doesn’t want it.
Ari rolls his eyes and muses that “selfish people live longer” and I’ve never heard a more astute phrase to live by. He is a fount of wisdom.
SJ ponders this and changes her mind, trying to awkwardly back-pedal on her earlier monologue, but she’s distracted by Ari and Christina eating what looks like a Maxibon.
“Ooh that looks good. Are they quite organic and nice?,” she asks.
The innocence of someone asking if an ice cream sandwich is “organic and nice” has sent me. It’s like me thinking these brownies made from nothing but artificial sweeteners and crushed dreams are somehow “healthy”.
They trundle into the eviction zone to be greeted by Sonia’s arms.
SJ has another crack at turning around her earlier plea to NOT receive the advantage.
She launches into a heartfelt tale through dramatic sobs about how her “heart exploded” when she heard about the majestic eye it all its glory.
It doesn’t work.
Marley wins the eye.
Now I want a Maxibon.
Originally published as Massive advantage rips house apart